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Random Thoughts from Your Local Bartender
Posted May 25, 2007
A few random thoughts…
It’s fine to order a mojito when the bar is really busy, just know that you are going to be served the most ridiculous tasting drink you’ve had since you were 17 years old messing around in your parents’ liquor cabinet with their scotch and vermouth.
“I’ll have a Jack and coke, but heavy on the Jack man, I don’t want a weak one.” I just can’t think of a better way to ensure that you get a weak drink than saying something like this. Order a double.
40 and 50 year olds have some pretty great life stories in this town. Seems like everyone is running away from something and since they’ve moved here has gained a decent perspective on themselves, for better or worse.
If you’re a woman, and you’re ugly, please just don’t give me your number or ask me for mine. This will make things much less awkward for both of us.
Yes, if you’re a guy, and you order a strawberry daiquiri or a white zinfandel, I think less of you as a human.
Watching older women turn down older guys is 500 times more entertaining than watching younger women turn down younger guys.
It’s entirely possible that people just think I’m a moron, but if you’re ordering three or four drinks don’t be afraid to tell me all of them at the same time. I have a functioning brain and am capable of remembering more than one thought. This will save both of us time and aggravation.
If you walk out on your tab, even if accidentally, I will still always think differently of you when you come back in. Sorry, I don’t like paying for the drinks you had.
I think wife-beaters on (most) girls are unbelievably sexy. I’m very excited for this summer.
If your bartender is rude and disrespectful, he or she doesn’t deserve a penny over 15%. If we want your money, we have to at least pretend like we’re enjoying serving you.
Comments » 3
tadow writes:
Wife Beater Summer 2007!
knowthetruth writes:
Interesting... most insightful. I'm going to figure you are an uneducated young person who has an expectation of entitlement ("if your bartender is rude and disrespectful, he or she does not deserve a penny over 15%"... wow) and truly thinks the bar scene is all about you ("if your a woman and ugly..."). Whoever gave you the chance to run your own blog only did so to provide bait to people like me to expose your immaturity and ignorance. And that is hardly sport... I bartended my way through college and probably aided several bartender's college educations via tips. I learned the following:
- you keep your job if you make sure the customer is #1 at all times
- you'll never get a raise bartending. More money comes in the form of more tips, so follow observation # 1 above
- the girls really don't don't find you that sexy or desirable. Talking to you just helps them pass the time while they're drinking. Do you get hit on at the grocery store or emergency room? Didn't think so Romeo...
- Keep talking to the 40 and 50 year olds to understand how and why they gained a better perspective on themselves. You will be much better for it.
- Find a job you like. Bartending certainly doesn't seem to fit with your preferences. Maybe coddled mommy's boy would...
knowthetruth writes:
Interesting... most insightful. I'm going to figure you are an uneducated young person who has an expectation of entitlement ("if your bartender is rude and disrespectful, he or she does not deserve a penny over 15%"... wow) and truly thinks the bar scene is all about you ("if your a woman and ugly..."). Whoever gave you the chance to run your own blog only did so to provide bait to people like me to expose your immaturity and ignorance. And that is hardly sport... I bartended my way through college and probably aided several bartender's college educations via tips. I learned the following:
- you keep your job if you make sure the customer is #1 at all times
- you'll never get a raise bartending, just the potential for more tips, so follow observation # 1 above
- the girls really don't don't find you that sexy or desirable. Talking to you just helps them pass the time while they're drinking. Do you get hit on at the grocery store or emergency room? Didn't think so Romeo...
- Keep talking to the 40 and 50 year olds to understand how and why they gained a better perspective on themselves. You will be much better for it.
- Find a job you like. Bartending certainly doesn't seem to fit with your preferences. Maybe coddled mommy's boy would...
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