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Cold Off The Press

Man is Poet, Didn't Actually Know It

Posted June 28, 2007

FORT MYERS - Local taxidermy shop owner Ted Maltby headed home from work, but stopped by the grocery store for some things. As he headed to the cash register, another shopper asked to cut in line.

"The stranger approached me and asked if they could cut in line,” Maltby explained. “So I said 'go ahead, all you have is potato chips and bread."

Maltby then realized that he had rhymed, and rhymed without any intention of doing so.

"I mean, it's not like I planned that head/bread rhyming combination, it just slipped out, subliminally. Think about if I tried to rhyme."

Ted's mother, Linda Maltby, upon hearing the news said, "I always knew he had something special, but I didn't know what it was because he was always playing with dead animals."

Growing up, Ted had often tried to write simple narratives, but couldn't quite catch a breakthrough quite like this one. It was right then and there he decided to give up his taxidermy shop and become a full-time poet.

"I just couldn't go on living this lie of being a taxidermist," recounts Maltby. "I now know I need to share my gift with others. Instead of stuffing animals with cotton, I want to stuff peoples' minds with similar-sounding words."

The newly acquainted poet has since written several more poems, with titles such as "If I Were a Coat, I Wouldn't be Worn by a Goat," and "Are you going to eat the rest of that, ‘cause I'll give it to my cat."

Maltby has not limited himself to simple ABAB rhyme-schemes, either. The novice has really spread his poetic wings in the haiku category:

Dead Cat in My Heart

“More fun than stuffed cat, Better than stuffed dog with fleas, Now I write my heart.”

Expressing his regret, the wordsmith wishes he had started writing poetry earlier. "My only regret is that I got started too late in life. Here I am a 42 year-old, and I've spent most of my life with my hand inside dead wildlife."

--Ryan McAfee and Heather Harkins


Comments

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Posted by distantdog (anonymous) on June 28, 2007 at 6:53 p.m.

HA!

Posted by onthefritz (anonymous) on June 29, 2007 at 11:33 a.m.

Love it! Woot to the Coot! I mean Cat! Either way you take it.

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