STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• Comments
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

More Explore

• Nifty Thrifty
• Tea Time
• Naples Native Takes on Worlds Best at Torrey Pines

Share and Enjoy [?]

For anyone who has lived in Florida for more than a year, the mere mention of love bugs is enough to cause a very serious panic. Every May and September, motorists all over the gulf coast are plagued by the copulation flights of these most sinister bugs. Akin to death and taxes, we endure love bugs twice a year without fail. Keep in mind taxes only happen once a year and death will probably only happen once, which by my account successfully places love bugs at the helm of the list of shitty inevitabilities.

A question often posed after one has just driven through a quarter-mile cloud of love bugs on the interstate is ‘How the hell do they survive?’ They survive because they mainly exist to reproduce. After they grow from larvae they spend the rest of their lives attached at the abdomen. Soon after mating the male dies and is dragged around by the female, which is perhaps the love bugs one similarity to humans. They also survive because the adult bugs have no natural enemies (automobiles are considered manufactured enemies). When the bugs are gone that just means all the adults have died, and it is a matter of months until the larvae that were left have matured into adults.

Many are under the impression that the bugs were a botched experiment by the University of Florida. Legend has it that the school created the love bugs to help solve the mosquito problem. Were this true (it’s not) a minute amount of sympathy could be garnered, for they were created with an understandable purpose. But again, they weren’t created with a purpose; they were created to disintegrate my paint job.

In terms of widespread control methods, in the ‘60s, several chemicals were introduced to help curb the spread of the bugs. The chemicals only rid an area of bugs for about half an hour before the bugs just returned. What I feel is more interesting however, is the fact that the love generation attempted to destroy love bugs. Trust me when I say that a headache will result from attempting to decipher the aforementioned hypocrisy.

Sean McCann

But the chemicals didn’t work, and we are still coping with the winged pests in large numbers. Driving around, I have seen some cars that are so completely smeared with love bugs that I can’t help but believe that person sees the front of their car as a trophy. Proclaiming to the world their aptitude at driving into bugs. But maybe this is the attitude we need to once and for all solve our bug problem. If we take pride in our ability to pancake love bugs onto the front of our cars these bugs would be gone in a matter of weeks…just an idea though.

As far as the physical removal from your automobile is concerned, the bugs themselves are slightly acidic but it is when they are left on the car that the acidity increases. For those of you that are not so well versed in the evasive driving necessary to miss every single love bug, there are ways to keep the bugs from destroying your paint job. The most important thing to remember is to remove them as soon as possible, the longer they sit on your car, the longer it will take you to remove them. There is a plethora of materials well suited for removing the insects. Everything from Pam to toothpaste has been used to try and remove bugs easier. However, if you use Pam on your car the alcohol in the spray will remove the paint almost as quick as the bugs would and toothpaste will probably just keep your car from accumulating any plaque. Another tool some have claimed to work is stain remover or dryer sheets. These products are said to work because they are made to remove protein from clothes, and the dead bugs on the front of cars are mostly protein. Not to knock any of the teenage girl magazines that advocate using random materials around the house to clear acne or whatnot, but I personally feel if soap does the trick on your car, then just use soap. The best method also requires copious amounts of elbow grease. A power washer set to a low setting would reduce the manual labor involved, but may also reduce the paint on your car if applied for too long.

Obviously every Floridian knows the nuisance they pose on the roads, but there are also the problems that stem from dealing with the bugs while out of the car. Many outdoor pools will develop a thin layer of love bugs across the top and although the rules of golf allow for bugs to be removed from a golf ball, it would just be nicer were they not there at all. The bugs also manage to find their way into drinks as often as possible. Thankfully love bugs carry no diseases, so it’s just a matter of fishing the bug out and trying to carry on with the drink. There are several tried and true ways to dispose of annoying love bugs; my personal favorite would be a ping-pong paddle. But you could also use tennis rackets, desk lamps, a 3 or 4 iron (it’s reassuring to be able hit something pure with one), brief cases, etc., really anything that you can wield without endangering those around you. To the more dedicated destroyers of love bugs, an aerosol can and a lighter work as a portable flamethrower. With one of those the only decision you need to make is if you want well-done or extra crispy love bug.

Sadly, all in all the bugs really aren’t going anywhere. Short of forming giant lynching mobs to go out and commit insect genocide (which I am behind 100 percent), we will just have to deal with them. But, if you keep in mind that the best way to combat these bugs is with haste, you will have a better chance of keeping your car cherry.